Punexpected departures

Shock departures of public figures provide fantastic opportunities for punning. And the last few days have provided plenty of moments to demonstrate this.

Today, poor old Alan Johnson decided to quit his position as shadow chancellor, citing 'personal reasons'. It has since emerged that his wife might have been getting up to naughty things with their bodyguard.

So, a couple of puns on this to get us started:

ALAN GONE-SON

THE BONKYGUARD

I am sure the heads of many tabloid subs exploded when they found that Ed Balls has got the job. But pretty much @everyone on Twitter beat them - and me - to it with this gem:

JOHNSON OUT, BALLS IN

Then, later on today, it was revealed that Google CEO Eric Schmidt is stepping aside from his role at the top to make way for Larry Page to take over:

ERIC QUIT?

A NICE LITTLE PAGE EARNER

Now, as a general rule, I don't like to pun about death or illness, but Steve Jobs also announced this week that he is to take some time off from heading up Apple as he's not a well chap. In other words, he's taking a...

STEVE OF ABSENCE (in all seriousness, get well soon Mr Jobs)

Suggest all your puns in the comments!

Bristol Rovers: Punder new management

A bit of a niche post here, but as a loyal Gashead I was delighted to hear of the appointment of Dave Penney as our new manager. But not because of his reputation or tactical expertise, no. Because of the sheer amount of punning opportunities his surname will surely provide us with!!

Some initial predictions:

DAVE SPENDS MORE THAN A PENNEY ON NEW PLAYER

PENNEY FOR HIS THOUGHTS AFTER THAT PERFORMANCE

GRIN FOR A PENNEY, GRIN FOR A HOUND (granted, this particular headline is reliant on a dog invading the pitch, and Dave Penney - and the dog - finding it entertaining)

Pun hell of a diet

Love this story. A chap who was so disgusted by his big belly after spotting himself on Google Street View has gone on to lose a third of his body weight. Best of all, he's from LONGWELL GREEN IN BRISTOL, which is where I grew up!

The Sun's pun is a classic:

IT'S GOOGLE GIRTH

My rather weaker attempt:

GOOGLE EAT VIEW

Depunment of Wealth

The Guardian has tonight revealed that the Department of Health is putting companies such as McDonald's, KFC and PepsiCo at the heart of writing government policy on obesity, alcohol and diet-related disease. McOMG!

@gavinbarber on Twitter came up with a gem of a pun shortly after the story went online:

BIG MAC SOCIETY

Here's mine (definitely not as good):

PEPSICOALITION

As always, suggest your own in the comments....

Punographic manhunt

The Guardian reports that Sri Lankan police are on the hunt for more than 80 local people who have appeared in pornographic films by printing their pictures in newspapers.

My pun:

MISSIONARY: IMPOSSIBLE

Rather crude by my usual standards. I'm almost dreading your suggespuns...

Punbelievable goats

Crikey, just look at these goats!!

Pun ideas:

GOAT DAMMIT!

CABRA-CADABRA

(note: Cabra = goat in Spanish)

YOU'VE GOAT TO BE KIDDING

YOU WON'T BILLY-VE IT

Any more puns? Goat for it in the comments...

Glas-pun-bury cancelled

Glastonbury 2012 has been called off because all the portable lavatories (and police) are going to be in London for the Olympic Games. I spotted a couple of decent puns on this story today...

My favourite headline was Londonist's:

GLASTONBURY FINALLY FACES ITS PORTALOO

While the Guardian went with:

WHY GLASTONBURY 2012 IS GOING DOWN THE PAN 

*update* new Guardian pun on the network front:

My pun:

GLASTONBURY LOO-SES OUT TO OLYMPICS

Think poo can do any better? Or have you spotted a better pun? Comment away!