Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Pun-lic service broadcasting goes wrong

Come on then, let's here your Russell Brand / Jonathan Ross / Andrew Sachs puns. A comment piece in the Times had a pretty neat one today:

FIRST RULE OF COMEDY: DON'T MOCK THE WEAK

My pun idea:

SACH THEM

This would obviously have to be a Daily Mail headline...

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

George Ospun

Shadow Chancellor George Osborne has admitted that he made a mistake by getting involved in talks about a donation with a Russian tycoon during a meeting in Corfu. The Daily Mirror keeps it nice and simple, with:

A SOB TORY

My pun idea:

COR-FOOL (this particularly works well with a Bristolian accent...)

Monday, 27 October 2008

The punderer returns

I read my first newspaper in nearly two weeks today. I fear I have missed out on many pun headlines in that time, so feel free to fill me in.

But for now, back to 'Strictly Come Dancing', with the Daily Mirror reporting on swimmer Mark Foster having been voted off the show this weekend following a rather weak pasodoble routine. The muscular chap marked his departure with an impromptu strip-tease during his final dance. The headline:

FLOP MARK'S STRIPLY DANCING FAREWELL

My pun idea:

SIX-PACK-ODOBLE

I'm obviously out of practice after my time off...

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Pun-er kebab

A kebab shop in Wolverhampton has been shut down after the owner was discovered preparing food next to a dead body. Yuck!

The Sun hits the nail on the head with:

GONER KEBAB

My pun idea:

DEATHTAURANT (although strictly speaking it wasn't a restaurant)

I'm off on holiday now - the puns will re-commence fully upon my return!

Monday, 13 October 2008

Never fear, Punlop's here!

Yo pun-lovers. All four of you. Apologies for the lack of punnage over the last week or so. I have been uber-busy and haven't had the chance to keep the site up-to-date.

Rest assured the daily punning will re-commence after I return from a long-awaited holiday and things have calmed down somewhat.

However, I am well aware that seven days without a pun makes one weak.....so I will try and squeeze one in tomorrow before I depart!

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Whopunnit?

'Britain's dumbest criminal' has been foiled after CCTV footage of him breaking into a car revealed that his name and date of birth were tattooed on his neck.

The Sun's headline:

TATOODUNNIT?

My pun idea:

POLICE CATCH CAR THIEF: TAT OF THE NECK!

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

The Man with the Golden Pun

80-year-old James Bond actor Roger Moore is photographed in today's Sun surrounded by eight former Bond girls.

ACTUALLY one of the best puns ever in the Sun today:

OCTOPUSSY

With the sub-pun:

8 FORMER BOND GIRLS BACK FOR MOORE

The article itself also chucks in a hidden bonus pun for good measure, in the form of 'the Moore the merrier'.

I don't think there's anything I can do to possibly beat the genius of 'Octopussy' so I'm not even going to try as it would be an insult. But feel free to do your worst!

Monday, 6 October 2008

Don't leave the water punning

An 'exclusive investigation' by the Sun has revealed that coffee chain Starbucks wastes 23million liters of water a day because staff around the world are told to run taps non-stop.

The front page of the Sun screams:

STARBERKS

My pun idea:

STARBUCKS: THE WORLD'S LARGEST COFFEE DRAIN

('Drain' is meant to represent 'chain' in this pun. Hmmm....never a good sign when you have to explain a pun is it?!)

Friday, 3 October 2008

Here puns the bride

The 'fattest man in the world' is to get married. A simply classic from the Daily Mirror:

PIE DO

My pun idea:

SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOU'RE OBESE

Thursday, 2 October 2008

Bart Simp-pun

One of those 'I really shouldn't find this funny but....' stories in the Sun today. A three-year-old may be scarred for life with an image of Bart Simpson on his arm after having an allergic reaction to a holiday henna tattoo. Not exactly a pun in the Sun, but still pretty nifty:

ITCHY & SCRATCHY

My pun idea:

SCAR-T SIMPSON

Ok, ok - I'm having an off day!

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Greenwich pun-time

Apparently a vacuum cleaner which had been left switched on was the reason why Greenwich's lovely Cutty Sark was nearly destroyed in a fire last year. 'Lazy' security guards have also had their knuckles rapped.

The Sun's headline is pretty neat:

CUTTY SUCKS

My pun idea:

HOOVER DAMN

As usual, please feel free to beat my feeble attempt by leaving comments!