Thursday, 27 November 2008

The punder of Woolies

Poor old Woolworths have called in the administrators. It truly is the end of an era. Where will I go now to buy my..err...you know...Oh. Now I see why they're bust.

Here are the puns...

The Sun:

GO UNDER OF WOOLIES

and

WOOLWORST

Daily Mirror:

WOOLWORTHLESS

My pun idea:

WELL WORTH SH*T

Harsh but true.

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Too many puns spoil the broth?

Frankly I couldn't care less if Gordon Ramsay had an affair or not, and I don't see what gives the British press the right to report it even if he did. But without getting into a highbrow ethical debate on media privacy laws, let us simply celebrate some more outstanding punning by the Sun newspaper today.

Yesterday I briefly mentioned how the red-top had incorporated a series of food/affair puns on its front page. Today it took this one stage further by printing a whole MENU of such puns, including:

WELSH RAREBIT-ON-THE-SIDE

ROMP STEAK

and

LOVE RATATOUILLE

My pun idea:

A WOMAN SCONED

And as for an answer to the question I have posed in the title of this posting...THE MORE PUNS THE BETTER! Let's be honest, puns are never about subtlety!

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Chancellor punveils plans

Sooo many puns today, but the headlines were dominated by VAT-related gags as a result of Alistair Darling's announcement that the tax will be lowered to 15% next week. However, we will all be paying for the government's attempts to kick-start the economy with higher taxes after the next General Election. Woohoo!

So many to highlight.

Sun:

UP TO ARREARS

(special mention for the Sun's front page today, which also included a whole paragraph of Gordon Ramsay food / alleged affair puns)

Daily Star:

WE'LL NEVER DEBT OUT OF THIS MESS

Daily Mirror:

A VAT LOT OF GOOD?

My pun idea:

VAT'S TRAGIC

Hats off to Punlimited's #1 fan Joe, who yesterday predicted the tone of today's headlines. I would be lost without your inspiration!

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Pun Jameirah

A bit slow off the mark with this one, but most newspapers on Friday covered the credit crunch-defying fireworks display and ceremony to mark the official opening of the Atlantis Palm Jumeirah hotel in Dubai. I was at the hotel myself a few weeks ago, in fact. Kylie Minogue performed at the lavish concert. Thus, the Daily Star's headline:

DUBAI SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

My pun idea:

PALM FUNDAY

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Pundependent

Don't think we've ever had a pun from the Independent before. Well, today's the day. A little nib in the paper on American actress Winona Ryder, who was taken ill on a flight to the UK, forcing the pilot to request a priority landing.

Neat little pun from the Indy:

BAD FLIGHT FOR QUEASY RYDER

My pun idea:

WINONA FLY-BLEUGH

Weak!!! Please suggest some better ones!

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Captain's blog

A hidden gem in the Metro today. Star Trek legend George Takei applied some lotion to Joe Swash's arse on last night's 'I'm a Celebrity....'

The Metro's pun wasn't even the headline, just a caption underneath a photo:

CREAM ME UP, BOTTY

Brilliant! Thanks to Adele for the spot

My pun idea:

STARSE TREK

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Michael Jack-pun

Michael Jackson is in a spot of legal bother after a mega-rich Arab prince alleged the star reneged on a record deal.

The Daily Mirror's pun is:

SHEIK RATTLED AND ROLLED OVER

My pun idea:

THE WAY YOU SHEIK ME FEEL

Monday, 17 November 2008

Punz

A front page winner from the Daily Mirror:

BEANS MEANS HIKES

Yes, that's correct, the price of baked beans has sky-rocketed by 53% in a month as sneaky supermarkets reportedly raise the price of their basic food ranges in order to compensate for the price cuts they are making elsewhere.

My pun idea:

BAKED MEANIES

Absoloutely awful, I know :(

Friday, 14 November 2008

PoUNd coin

Chelsea striker Didier Drogba is in a spot of bother after throwing a coin at fans during his team's Carling Cup defeat by Burnley (haha).

The Daily Mirror:

IN DROG HOUSE

My pun idea:

WHY DIDIER DO IT?

or

OH DIDIER

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Currant puns

Hats-off to Guardian Unlimited, who today posted a brilliant article detailing the latest football transfer rumours with loads of fab food puns. 'Why food?' I hear you ask. Well, because Fabio Capello yesterday launched an astonishing attack on tomato ketchup. Yep, that's the only reason.

Too many puns in this wonderful article to list, so read it for yourself here. Thanks to Gary Andrews for the spot!

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Bonkers for conkers

Two brothers are hoping for a place in the record books after amassing a collection of 7,500 conkers.

The Daily Mail and Daily Express both go with similar puns, along the lines of:

WORLD CONKERERS

My pun idea:

HORSE CHEST-NUTS

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Like father, like pun

Not much in the way of puns today. The best I could find was from the Daily Star's article on David Beckham hanging out with his lookalike son Brooklyn:

BOND IT LIKE BECKHAM

My pun idea:

BROOKALIKES

Monday, 10 November 2008

Punny farthing

An adventurer from London has completed a 22,000 mile trip around the world on a penny farthing bicycle. The Evening Standard celebrated the marvellous achievement by Joff Summerfield with the headline:

AROUND THE WORLD AT 11MPH, A WHEELY LONG RIDE ON PENNY FARTHING

A tad long-winded methinks. How about this instead:

JOFF HIS HEAD

Would be good to base the pun around the bicycle however. Ideas please!

Friday, 7 November 2008

Pun-terest rates cut

The Bank of England has slashed interest rates by 1.5% in an attempt to stimulate the economy. However, some greedy mortgage lenders quickly pulled their tracker and variable rate deals, which could render the move pointless. The Sun and the Daily Mirror argue in no uncertain terms that, since we, as taxpayers, kind of have a stake in the banks since the government gave them a leg up with our cash, we should be able to force them to pass the savings on.

The Daily Mirror:

INTEREST RATS

The Sun:

NOW PASS IT ON, YOU BANKERS

The puns continue inside the Sun, with the newspaper identifying eight "piggy banks" that it says are "snout of order" for not cutting their variable rates.

My pun idea:

HEY BIG LENDERS, SPARE A LITTLE DIME FOR ME

Inspired, yes?!

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Barack O-pun-a

Democratic Senator Barack Obama has won an historic US election, with coverage of his victory dominating all of today's newspapers (which didn't get delivered to my office, today of all days - typical!).

I'm liking the Daily Mirror's punnage, despite it not being original:

GOBAMA!

And inside:

THEY THINK IT'S OBAMA...IT IS NOW!

My pun idea:

BARACK TO THE FUTURE

Monday, 3 November 2008

Lewis Hamil-pun

He did it! Only just, mind you, but Lewis Hamilton yesterday became the youngest ever Formula One Champion.

The Daily Mirror's front page goes with the headline:

LEW BEAUTY

And also a little gem in the Evening Standard:

LEWIS LAPS UP VICTORY WITH HIS PUSSYCAT GIRLFRIEND

That one works on a whole multitude of levels!

My pun ideas:

FORMULA WON

or

LEWIS CHAMPILTON

Sunday, 2 November 2008

Pun-tum of Solace

I know, I know, a bit slow off the mark with this one, but there were some 'cool' (hehe) James Bond premiere puns last week.

It was a bit nippy at Leicester Square on the big night. The Daily Star encapsulated the mood with the headline:

QUANTUM OF SOL-ICE

The Evening Standard opted for:

LICENCE TO CHILL

My pun idea:

COLDFINGER