Congratulations to Dame Vera Lynn, who - at 92 years of age - has just scored her first number one album. All the more impressive since she beat The Beatles to the top spot, despite all the publicity the fab four have received on the back of the new Beatles edition of Rock Band.
In honour of the Celebrity Masterchef final, the first installment of which is broadcast on BBC1 tonight at 8pm, I thought I would display my PASSION for the show with a series of relevant puns based on the finalists' names:
I hereby propose that you all now comment with your own celebrity / food puns!!
I got an e-mail today from the Take That marketing people, offering me 'heavily discounted' tickets for their live shows this weekend.
The reason for the discount? The tickets have NO VIEW WHATSOEVER of the main stage! Apparently the 'restricted' view seats do have a view of the secondary stage where 40% of the performance supposedly takes place. Having brought this up with my colleagues, one came up with this fantastic pun: EVERYTHING CHANGES BUT VIEW
A teenage girl is angry after she got 56 stars tattooed on her face. In fact, she's so peeved off at the tattooist that she's suing him. She claims she asked for three, fell asleep, and woke to discover an extra 53. Yeah right. Even if she gets them removed she'll still have lots of scars on her face, which isn't nice.
A Bishop was arrested after taking photos of his sons reading books on the roof of their family home. The boys' school had organised a competition to find the most unusual place to read a book, and the Bishop obviously had a 'lightbulb moment'.
Hmm, either Jonathan Ross is exceedingly stupid, or the press are jumping on every vaguely controversial thing that the BBC presenter - who is now back on our screens and 'dis'gracing the airwaves - inadvertently says. His latest blunder was to suggest that someone should do unspeakable things to an old lady to give her "one last night before the grave".
Hundreds of tons of timberrrrr have washed up on the Kent coast after it was swept off a stricken Russian cargo ship. Eagle-eyed looters have been loading their vans with the planks, although strictly speaking it still belongs to the original owner.
Tons of puns on this today, with my fave being the Mirror's:
The entire world and his dog watched President Obama's inauguration ceremony if this week's media coverage is anything to go by. After the ceremony, Barack and 'Chelle had a good old-fashioned boogie at no fewer than TEN partays.
Pun-wise, I am a particular fan of this from the Sun:
The Sun is still banging on about that wind turbine that got 'hit by a UFO'. Whatever! In today's paper, they spoke of how they have sent their own 'investigator' (aka hack) to the wind farm in question to do some of their own investigations (since the conclusion of the official investigation done by a, you know, 'expert', was simply too dull).
Their headline today:
My pun idea:
ALIEN WIND FARM
Oh, so weak!! 'Wind' doesn't even rhyme with 'ant' - aaarrggghh!!
'Fawlty Towers' actor Andrew Sachs - aka 'Manuel' - is to appear in Coronation Street at some point later this year, although we don't know what role he will play or how long he will appear in the soap.