Saturday, 28 November 2009

Strictly pun dancing (2)

Strictly heart throb Ricky Whittle was arrested this week.



YOU'RE RUMBA ARREST

My pun:


STRICTLY CON DANCING 

but I've seen this one before so...

LINDY COP

Or

(AMERICAN) SMOOTH CRIMINAL

Ooh, the possibilities are ENDLESS! Pun away!

Friday, 13 November 2009

Potter's got the pun-chies

Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe has been accused of smoking cannabis following the publication of some dodgy photos.

The Daily Mirror goes for the obvious:

HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONED

My pun:

HAS POTTER BEEN HUFFLE-PUFFING WEED?

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Punscented

A shoplifter has been banned from his local pharmacies after being convicted of stealing perfume and aftershave 56 times.


The Daily Mirror:


SCENT AWAY FROM SHOPS


My pun:


A CLOSE AFTER-SHAVE WITH THE LAW

Monday, 14 September 2009

We'll pun again, don't know where, don't know when

Congratulations to Dame Vera Lynn, who - at 92 years of age - has just scored her first number one album. All the more impressive since she beat The Beatles to the top spot, despite all the publicity the fab four have received on the back of the new Beatles edition of Rock Band.

The Daily Mirror keeps it simple:

VERA BEATS THE BEATLES

My pun:

DAME VERA WIN

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Cat owners punder the thumb

I always suspected it, but now there's scientific proof that cats manipulate their owners when they want food, by cunningly purring instead of miaowing.

The Guardian:

HAVE I GOT MEWS FOR YOU

My pun:

CAT-NIPULATION

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

A coherent plate of puns

In honour of the Celebrity Masterchef final, the first installment of which is broadcast on BBC1 tonight at 8pm, I thought I would display my PASSION for the show with a series of relevant puns based on the finalists' names:

JAYNE GRIDDLE-MISS

WENDI EAT-ERS

I-WANTON-MAS


I hereby propose that you all now comment with your own celebrity / food puns!!

Friday, 3 July 2009

HOW DEEP IS YOUR PUN

I got an e-mail today from the Take That marketing people, offering me 'heavily discounted' tickets for their live shows this weekend.

The reason for the discount? The tickets have NO VIEW WHATSOEVER of the main stage! Apparently the 'restricted' view seats do have a view of the secondary stage where 40% of the performance supposedly takes place. Having brought this up with my colleagues, one came up with this fantastic pun:


EVERYTHING CHANGES BUT VIEW


My pun idea:

AT THE BACK FOR GOOD

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Punion bhaji

A woman has found a dead mouse in a jar of Asda curry sauce.

The Metro goes pun crazy:

TIKKA MOUSE-ALA

RODENT JOSH

My pun idea:

THAT'S ASDA MICE

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Starface

A teenage girl is angry after she got 56 stars tattooed on her face. In fact, she's so peeved off at the tattooist that she's suing him. She claims she asked for three, fell asleep, and woke to discover an extra 53. Yeah right. Even if she gets them removed she'll still have lots of scars on her face, which isn't nice.

I do like a good tattoo-related pun.


The Sun goes with:

STARRED FOR LIFE

My pun idea:

STAR SPANGLED CLANGER

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Pun in the oven

Some poor chap has found a dead mouse in his malt loaf. Haven't seen any puns on this as yet, but here's my pun idea:

THE BEST THING SINCE MICED BREAD

Your suggestions please!!

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Pun A Manger

Food retailer Pret A Manger has announced that it is to switch to a more sustainable variety of tuna in its sandwiches.

A deliberate pun in the Guardian?

PRET A MANGER CHANGES ITS TUNA

My pun idea:

PRET A CHANGER

Friday, 5 June 2009

PRIME MINISTER PUNDER THREAT

Is Purnell's resignation the final nail in the coffin for Gordon Brown's leadership?

My pun idea:

BROWN'S DEATH PUR-KNELL

Please suggest more!

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Here comes the pun

Liverpool Hope University will be offering a one-year masters course in 'The Beatles, Popular Music and Society' from this September.

Tiny little article on this in the Sun, with the headline:

LET IT DEGREE

My pun idea:

ALL DEGREE IS LOVE

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Rollerblading punsioner

A rollerblading pensioner has been fined £2,000 after being found guilty of skating dangerously in his town centre.

The Metro has a great headline for this one:

THE GREY CITY ROLLER

My pun idea:

OA-WHEEEEE!

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Pinky Pun-ky*

The Sun today includes an article on Timmy Mallett's new career as an artist. Apparently he has sold 250 paintings for up to £400 each!

The headline:

MALLETT'S PALETTE

My pun:

TIMMY-PRESSIONISM

* "In later years, a talking mini version of the mallet called Pinky Punky was introduced" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timmy_Mallett)

Monday, 23 February 2009

Don't leave the tap punning

Yesterday's Sunday Mirror had a bit of a rant about the fact that some of Britain's biggest water firms are set to make more than £1billion this year - on the back of 'inflation busting' bill rises.

The headline:

SPOUT OF ORDER

My pun idea:

WATER JOKE

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

World War pun

Top secret papers reveal that Adolf Hitler had chronic flatulence, and regularly broke wind during meals.

The Sun goes all out on this one, with a whole host of puns:

HANDS UP WHO MADE THAT NAZI SMELL

HITLER WAS A REAL SWAS-STINKER

WHIFFEN SS

My pun idea:

WORLD WAR TOOT

Saturday, 14 February 2009

Her Royal Pun-ness

The Queen has unveiled a brand new website for the British Monarchy. Nifty little headline in the Guardian yesterday:

I NAME THIS SITE QE2.0

Along the same lines, here's my pun idea:

QUEEN E-LIZABETH 2.0

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Punusual place to read a book

A Bishop was arrested after taking photos of his sons reading books on the roof of their family home. The boys' school had organised a competition to find the most unusual place to read a book, and the Bishop obviously had a 'lightbulb moment'.

The Daily Mail / Daily Star:

CHIMNEY POTTY!

Daily Mirror:

BOOKED

My pun idea:

SONS OF BISH-OP ON THE ROOF

Monday, 9 February 2009

You've been punned!

TV comedy ledge Harry Hill has been spotted in the street sporting a BEARD. The scandal!

Daily Mirror:

WHO THE HILL IS IT?

My pun idea:

HAIRY HILL

Sooo obvious!

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Batpun

Batman actor Christian Bale has been caught on tape ranting and raving at a crew member on his latest film.

Daily Mirror:

BAT RANT

Sun:

BALE-ISTIC

My pun idea:

CHRISTIAN WAIL

Monday, 2 February 2009

Snow way of getting to work...

....so let's hear your snow puns!!!

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Punbelievable number of babies

A mum in America has given birth to an incredible EIGHT babies. And they were only expecting seven!

The Mirror's front page:

THE WORLD'S GREIGHTEST MUM

My pun idea:

LABOUR ROCT

Bad

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Punder surveillance

I have found no newspaper puns for this one, but the opportunities appear to be endless.

The story:

Parents remove daughter from school after they install CCTV in the school loos.

My pun idea:

TAPING THE PISS

Rudi's:

BOG BROTHER

Adele's:

SEE-PEE-TV

Monday, 26 January 2009

Another Wossy plunder

Hmm, either Jonathan Ross is exceedingly stupid, or the press are jumping on every vaguely controversial thing that the BBC presenter - who is now back on our screens and 'dis'gracing the airwaves - inadvertently says. His latest blunder was to suggest that someone should do unspeakable things to an old lady to give her "one last night before the grave".

The Sun splashes on a double-page spread:

WOSS HE DONE NOW

My (Daily Mail?!) pun idea:

FILTH 2009

Friday, 23 January 2009

Wood carried by pundercurrent

Hundreds of tons of timberrrrr have washed up on the Kent coast after it was swept off a stricken Russian cargo ship. Eagle-eyed looters have been loading their vans with the planks, although strictly speaking it still belongs to the original owner.

Tons of puns on this today, with my fave being the Mirror's:

A WALK ON THE BEECH

My pun idea:

PLANKS VERY MUCH

Thursday, 22 January 2009

Inaugura-pun

The entire world and his dog watched President Obama's inauguration ceremony if this week's media coverage is anything to go by. After the ceremony, Barack and 'Chelle had a good old-fashioned boogie at no fewer than TEN partays.

Pun-wise, I am a particular fan of this from the Sun:

GROOVE OBAMA

Or how about:

THEY THINK IT'S YOUR OVAL..IT IS NOW!

My pun idea

IN-AWE-GURATION

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

More punny than sense

Football superstar Kaka's £243,000,000,000,000,000 move to Manchester City has collapsed. What a surprise.

The Sun's front page:

KAKA DEAL KNACKA'D

The Sun's back page:

STABBED IN THE KAK

My pun idea:

SORRY CITY FANS, IT'S KAK TO REALITY

Monday, 19 January 2009

Australian Opun

Tennis star Venus Williams has shown off her freaky new Marge Simpson-esque beehive during a press conference at the Australian Open in Melbourne.

Great one from the Mirror:

VENUS DE MI-DOH!

My pun idea:

VENUS SILLY-AMS

Go Andy!!

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Karma Chamele-pun

Boy George has been sentenced to 15 months in prison for falsely imprisoning a male escort. As a side issue (and for the purposes of my pun), he is also looking a bit on the chubby side.

The Sun's / Daily Mirror's headlines:

BYE GEORGE

My pun idea:

BOY GORGE

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Punidentified flying object

The Sun is still banging on about that wind turbine that got 'hit by a UFO'. Whatever! In today's paper, they spoke of how they have sent their own 'investigator' (aka hack) to the wind farm in question to do some of their own investigations (since the conclusion of the official investigation done by a, you know, 'expert', was simply too dull).

Their headline today:

FARMAGEDDON

My pun idea:

ALIEN WIND FARM

Oh, so weak!! 'Wind' doesn't even rhyme with 'ant' - aaarrggghh!!

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Mispunderestimated

George W Bush has made his final press conference as President of the United States of America. The Daily Mirror is obviously pleased that he is finally about to shut his mouth with the headline:

BUSH OFF

Along the same lines, my pun idea:

GEORGE W SHUSH

Friday, 9 January 2009

Punaldo

Man Utd player Ronaldo has written off his Ferrari after crashing in a tunnel.

The Daily Mirror's front page:

REV DEVIL

My pun idea:

PRANG UNITED

Thursday, 8 January 2009

I need some punshine!

Brrrrr, it's almost too cold for punning. In fact I gave myself a brief birthday break - apologies pun-pals!!

This headline in the Daily Mirror caught my eye in amongst the celebrations:

DUNCES ON ICE

A family took their tot for a rather risky walk on a frozen lake.

Here are some fab cold weather puns from Joe:

SNOW JOKING MATTER
ICE TO SEE YOU
WHO'D HAVE THAWT IT?
IN THE COLDRUMS

Monday, 5 January 2009

Don't mention the pun

'Fawlty Towers' actor Andrew Sachs - aka 'Manuel' - is to appear in Coronation Street at some point later this year, although we don't know what role he will play or how long he will appear in the soap.

Nice use of colour from the Daily Mirror, with:

QUERONATION STREET