Monday, 15 November 2010

Pun hell of a diet

Love this story. A chap who was so disgusted by his big belly after spotting himself on Google Street View has gone on to lose a third of his body weight. Best of all, he's from LONGWELL GREEN IN BRISTOL, which is where I grew up!

The Sun's pun is a classic:

IT'S GOOGLE GIRTH

My rather weaker attempt:

GOOGLE EAT VIEW

Friday, 12 November 2010

Depunment of Wealth

The Guardian has tonight revealed that the Department of Health is putting companies such as McDonald's, KFC and PepsiCo at the heart of writing government policy on obesity, alcohol and diet-related disease. McOMG!

@gavinbarber on Twitter came up with a gem of a pun shortly after the story went online:
BIG MAC SOCIETY

Here's mine (definitely not as good):

PEPSICOALITION

As always, suggest your own in the comments....

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Punographic manhunt

The Guardian reports that Sri Lankan police are on the hunt for more than 80 local people who have appeared in pornographic films by printing their pictures in newspapers.

My pun:
MISSIONARY: IMPOSSIBLE

Rather crude by my usual standards. I'm almost dreading your suggespuns...

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Punbelievable goats

Crikey, just look at these goats!!

Pun ideas:

GOAT DAMMIT!

CABRA-CADABRA
(note: Cabra = goat in Spanish)

YOU'VE GOAT TO BE KIDDING

YOU WON'T BILLY-VE IT


Any more puns? Goat for it in the comments...

Monday, 18 October 2010

Glas-pun-bury cancelled

Glastonbury 2012 has been called off because all the portable lavatories (and police) are going to be in London for the Olympic Games. I spotted a couple of decent puns on this story today...

My favourite headline was Londonist's:

GLASTONBURY FINALLY FACES ITS PORTALOO

While the Guardian went with:

WHY GLASTONBURY 2012 IS GOING DOWN THE PAN 

*update* new Guardian pun on the network front:


My pun:

GLASTONBURY LOO-SES OUT TO OLYMPICS

Think poo can do any better? Or have you spotted a better pun? Comment away!

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Obi pun kenobi

The Guardian reported today that Carrie Fisher, who played Princess Leia in the Star Wars films, took cocaine on set during filming of The Empire Strikes Back. Disgraceful, Fisher, disgraceful.

My pun:

THE EMPIRE STRIKES CRACK

Thursday, 7 October 2010

Athletes obviously having too much pun

Reuters is reporting that thousands of flushed condoms are threatening to choke the Commonwealth Games village's drainage system.

My pun:

CONDOMWEALTH GAMES
Obvious, but had to be pun.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

A pun-presidented tackle

The Bolivian president Evo Morales has been caught on film kneeing a football opponent in the groin, reports the Guardian.

Plenty of pun opportunities here:

UNBOLIVIANABLE

BALL-IVIA

Go crazy in the comments, pun-lovers...

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Willi-pun Shakespeare

It has pun to my attention that an animated film - seemingly based entirely on a pun - is to be unleashed in our cinemas next February:

GNOMEO AND JULIET

This is NOT a joke. Don't believe me? Then watch the trailer. The characters are voiced by James McAvoy, Emily Blunt, Michael Caine, Jason Statham, Maggie Smith, Patrick Stewart, Ashley Jensen, Stephen Merchant, Matt Lucas, Jim Cummings, Julie Walters, Richard Wilson, Ozzy Osbourne...you catch my drift. It's gonna be big. And all because someone came up with a rather weak Shakespeare pun.

So I thought it might be rather amusing if we pitched our own Bard/pun films. Here are mine:

RAMLET - in which an animated, uncastrated male sheep exacts revenge on his farmyard buddies and goes a bit crazy.

MUCH ADO ABOUT PUFFIN - in which four animated puffins get ever so confused about who is supposed to be in love with whom.
Please suggest more!

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Punusual hair colour

Police have today defended their decision to issue an e-fit image of a burglary suspect who appeared to have a lettuce on his head, the Guardian reports. My pun:

ICEBURGLAR

Lettuce the salad puns commence!

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Pope assassina-pun plot

The six binmen who were arrested this week after being accused of plotting to assassinate the Pope have been released without charge. According to the Sunday Mirror, it turns out they were 'just joking'. Terrorism's no laughing matter, but I'm pretty proud of this pun:

BIN LARK-DEN

Any more inappropriate terror puns?

The Pope's UK visit has pun opportunities aplenty. As @mark_cawley on Twitter pointed out, the best punning scenario would surely arise if he were to get egged:

EGGS BENEDICT


Anyway, enough pontifficating. If you've spotted any great papal puns in the last week or so, leave a comment!

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Punder wraps

Forensic teams are at the site of a cannabis factory in Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire where drugs with an estimated street value of at least £2m were discovered (BBC).

My pun:

INHALES-BURY

Friday, 25 June 2010

Cat goes pun-der the surgeon's knife

Great little story on guardian.co.uk about a little cat whose hind legs were gobbled up by a combine harvester. Luckily for Oscar the cat, he has benefitted from pioneering surgery, which has made use of custom-made artificial implants to replace his paws.


PAWS FOR THOUGHT (not great)

and

KITTEN HEELS (better, much better)

My pun:

PIONEERING PURR-GERY

Any more for any more?

Monday, 22 March 2010

Sam Camer-pun

She's preggers!

Here's a quick pun that I've come up with; look out for it in the tabloids tomorrow:

SAM CAM THANK YOU MA'AM

You saw it here first, pun-lovers!

*Update the following day*


Here is the Sun's front page headline today:


WHAM BAM! SAM CAM TO BE MAM

Which do you prefer? And - more importantly - is Punlimited becoming a source for Sun subs? One can only hope!

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Punvasion of privacy

Golden Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are to sue the News of the World following the newspaper's report that they had visited a divorce lawyer.

My pun:

BRANGELEGAL ACTION

Please suggest more!

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

What goes up must pun down

Cheeky farmer Robert Fidler has been ordered to tear down his extravagant self-built castle in Surrey. Harsh, you may think, but not when you realise that he hid the mock-Tudor monstrosity behind 40ft hay bales for four years in an attempt to cheat the local planning department.

You see, the rules state that if no one objects to a new building after four years, you can apply for a 'certificate of lawfulness'. But obviously this is only the case if people actually know the building exists...oops!

Another nice (but rather sad) pun from Snowmail:

FIDLER WITHOUT A ROOF

My pun:

PLANNING PER-MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Punfectionary

The controversial takeover of British company Cadbury by the evil American corporation (or so we're led to believe) Kraft was finally confirmed today.

The Channel 4 News news e-mail, Snowmail, had a nice little pun about this in its mailout this evening:


CHOC HORROR

My puns:

WISPAS IN THE BOARDROOM


KRAFTY SO-AND-SOS


KRAFT PUSH THE RIGHT MILK BUTTONS


IT'S CRUNCHIE TIME FOR CADBURY


LET'S GIVE KRAFT THE CADBURY FINGER(S)

SAD-BURY


Finally! My passion for chocolate and puns can come together! Feel free to suggest more below...